When you meet someone who comes from a shattered category “youre supposed to” wont know it right off. Theyll do the most appropriate to blend in, to watch their texts, to make sure they seem like everyone else. Its a practice theyve picked up over its first year. How easy it is to look like all the remain. How easy it is to perform the same dance and routine.
And what is missing? Its the question that continues to recur them. Was it “losing ones” parent at a young age? Was it the divorce, the abuse, the retentions that can’t seem to go away? Was it because they had to grow up faster than everyone else? Not every shattered party shares the same floor and their floor lives inside of them triumphantly defiant, an linchpin deeming the weight of their nature down, but the hollowness finds eerily similar all the same. They dont know how to quite pinpoint when it all seemed to fall apart. All they know is that they descended. Hard.
When you start dating person from a shattered category at first it might all seem too easy. That’s because it is. You’ll ask them about their upbringing, their background, what their family’s like, and without blinking they’ll gloss over the ugly details with just enough related information you’ll actually believe you’re getting the real floor. It’s not that they’retrying to be misleading or misinform. They just know it’s easier this space. For both of you.
They know no one wants to hear about the long nighttimes spent in the hospital waiting area wondering if their father’s okay and no one wants to talk about how their baby fucked them up or how their sibling was an addict or about how the anguish from a shattered dwelling still persists in the back of their judgment regardless how many times they will it away. No , none of these are great first date topics. Even second, third, fifth times only never seem appropriate for this kind of insight into their life. They’ve inherently always experienced strange, in a manner that is they don’t know how to expres, in a manner that is they hope won’t obligate you walk away from them and deem them unloveable forever.
Inthe beginning they’ll keep it up- this anxious charade. Letting you in just enough to know the space their lips flavour when they get drunk sufficient to caress you in public but only far away you’ll never know what they’re like in the morning when their hair is messy and they’re silent in their progress. It’s the game they play stopping you close enough to the wall but never so close you might actually get the chance to break through. It’s not fair, they know, butthey aren’t sure how to cherish person in any other way.
By now they’ve learned the subtle space to pierce the inside of their cheek and tell the blood flood when you mention their own families, the dwelling you grew up in, the holiday traditions you’ve known for years. These situations obligate them uncomfortable, resentful, even a bit peril, in a manner that is you’ll never be able to understand. They don’t know what that’s like -to know you can go back to the same address people know as a kid. They don’t know what that’s like- to know you can go back to the same beings people know as a kid. Stability has always come at a cost to them and because of that they’ve learned to never expect anything from anyone.
They’ll keep it up and keep it up until you’re both wearied and weary, reeling around in bed sheets, chortling about something completely mundane, when they realise in a few moments they’ve tell their patrol down. A moment that means nothing to you can entail everything to them. They’ve been longing for this- this undividedness and sense of belonging they can actually touch. So they visualize for a moment perhaps this is a place they can get cozy- the infinite between you and them isn’t that far, truly, when they think about it. They ponder for a moment if we are able to even announce this infinite with you home, and if, for once, they might actually have found something real, something tangible in another human being. Immediately they push the contemplate away and remember they’re not good enough for something like that. A dwelling. Love. A tie-in that could actually occupation. No, “thats really not” the things that happen to bad beings, to crack beings, to people who come from an unconventional home.
So that’s what you must remember when you cherish person or persons from a shattered category- there will be dates when they simply feel like they don’t deserve you or your desire or this beautiful life you’ve created together. It’s the mood deep down on their darkest dates that they’ll never was not sufficient. When you cherish person or persons from a shattered category don’t try to fix their issues or understand everything about where they came from- only a bit of infinite for them flourish isall they need to grow.